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An A-Z of bad running advice (A-M)

A: Always check behind you before you blow snot from your nose....you never know who you might hit!!

B: Breathe...it helps you not to die.

C: Crappy runs happen...and the older you get the more often they happen. Embrace the crappiness. You don't have a choice quite frankly.

D: Don't run with people faster than you. You always want to look like the best runner.

E: Embrace everyone at the end of the group run. Share your sweat and smell! They will all appreciate it!

F: Fudge it; give approximates for your race results that make you seem waaaay better than you are and certainly better than all the runers around you.

G: Gratituous selfies!! Everyone wants to see how awesome your run was so they can all feel shit about their own runs!

H: Harbour envy for anyone who is a better runner than you. It's not fair, you were injured/sick/up all night with a sick child/dog, etc, etc.

I: Ice cream is the best post-race nutrition. Just like chocolate milk is, only colder and much more delicious.

J: Junk food..don't we have a licence to eat as much junk as we want??? Surely we have burnt enough calories to indulge in chips, deep-fried chicken, pizza, burgers and the afore-mentioned ice-cream!!??

L: Lycra, and the tighter the better especially after the above food indulgences...

M: Music: You have two choices here:

  1. Wear headphones and annoy everyone when you can't hear that they want to pass as you hog the whole single track
  2. Don't wear headphones and annoy everyone by blasting your music from a tinny speaker into the peaceful forest.

To be continued tomorrow......

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